Art First, but Walking Dog is a Good Back-up Plan

Artists (and I’m using the term broadly here to refer to visual artists, writers, musicians, film artists, and other creatives) have a unique ability and opportunity to be present-minded through their art. I love the way spending a couple of hours writing, or drawing, or making music (or even editing – call me crazy) takes my monkey mind out of the past and the future and plunks it into the now, now, now! The act of creating can bring me into some damned good head space that Eckhart Tolle calls consciousness and that I sometimes call mystical because I feel I have entered the presence of something much larger than me.

But…there’s a dark side to creativity. An artist’s ego can so easily spoil that time-transcending creative state and go to the negative thoughts like “I’m never going to be good enough at this,” or “Who am I to think that I can call myself a writer?” and “I really need to make my living this way, but there’s no way; it’s just not done very often, especially by people like me” and “I’m stuck writing this commercial project for a living; I’ll never be able to get to the creative part of me again!”

Several years ago I hung out my shingle full-time as a writer, editor, and writing coach, and so I’m quite familiar with both the ecstasies and agonies of trying to live a creative life. To bring myself back into the present with my writing and drawing, the mantra I try to live by is “Art first.” That means that even though I might have a pressing deadline for a not-so-creative commercial writing project, I try to begin the day with on some kind of more creative project: writing a new essay, revising a book proposal, or even drawing something. It’s great if I can snag an hour or two for this freely creative time, but even fifteen minutes is sometimes just enough fuel for the rest of the day.

Working on my own creative projects doesn’t always connect me with the now, however. I can find all sorts of ways to distract myself from actually plunging into the work. And I can easily start thinking things like “I’ll get behind in bills if I work on projects that have no immediate paying prospects,” or “I’m just a hack writer; what makes me think I can shape this memoir into something publishable?”

When my ego threatens to destroy the times that I do have to create, it helps to remember that I agree with Eckhart Tolle that my primary purpose in life isn’t really to create, anyway – it’s to live in the now. The now is available to me whether I’m creating or not. It’s available to me when I’m swimming laps, or washing the dishes, to use Thich Nhat Hanh’s famous illustration.

Tolle’s argument in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose is that the present – the now – is all we have, and that a focus on the present is the key to awakening into the light of consciousness. Our primary purpose, he argues, is to live in and savor our present moments in order to connect with our deeper, wiser consciousness. Our secondary purpose is to go about our life’s work.

Tolle says that though all we have is the now, our tendency is to live more in the past and future than in the now. Our ego – a very small part of us that we let live large in us – distracts us from the now by continually trying to take us to the past and the future. The ego is fear-based and wants things like security, status, prestige, and safety...and yet when it gets what it wants, it shifts to wanting something else, resulting in an ongoing, underlying feeling of dissatisfaction, boredom, or restlessness.

Tolle says we can’t chase ego thoughts away – in fact, what we resist tends to persist – but we can diffuse the ego’s power by recognizing its voice and just being present with it. For instance, rather than try to stop worrying about money, we can say to ourselves, “My ego is afraid about money right now.” By being present with the ego but not in its grasp, we live in the now rather than in the past or future. This awareness, Tolle says, brings us into the present and connects with our deeper self that he calls “consciousness.” That deeper self can then inform our actions for solving our problems so that we are acting out of calm and strength rather than anxiety.

I love when my creative time as a writer and artist puts me in the now – that realm of “being vs. doing.” However, if I am having a rough period of negative ego when I am trying to create, sometimes I take a short break from it, to try to pull myself back into the present. Maybe I’ll take the dog for a walk around the block so we can both smell the hint of spring in the air. Maybe I’ll head to the rec center and swim or jog for a half hour. It helps to clear my head of those nonproductive, runaway ego thoughts before I return to the creative work in progress.

I appreciate my creative process for the times that it does anchor me in the now. I am even coming to appreciate my ego for reminding me when I need to return to the now. And I think the dog is appreciating the extra walking she’s getting.